I started going to a mental clinic this month. Sorry for the sudden introduction. However, I guess this isn’t so unusual these days. The brain is also an organ. If you live for more than 40 years, it’s not strange to have a stomach ache in your heart at least once.
The biggest cause is work stress. The burden of housework on top of that makes my cup full. I started to treat my daughter harshly. I knew this was bad, so I rushed to the hospital.
It’s ironic that at such a time, I come across a series of productions and events with themes of marriage and family. I bought the tickets myself, so I didn’t come across them at all. But somehow, I felt like it was more than just fate.
The first one was the Shibuya Gender Film Festival on January 19th . On that day, a film called ” Gender Marriage ” was screened.
In June 2015, same-sex marriage was legalized in all states in the United States. This documentary took more than five years to reach that point. The plaintiff, the defendant, and the lawyers for both sides. Those who supported it, those who opposed it.
All the characters were more distinctive than in the manga, and it was a major production that had the thrill of a courtroom drama and the epic quality of a human drama. “Now that I think about it, who made this? Why did they make it? Why were they allowed to be on set like that?”
When you look at it from that perspective, it’s interesting to see how you can read it even deeper. At the film festival, there was also a talk session after the screening. The speakers on the day were Mittsun, an actor who runs a YouTube channel called ” Futari Papa “; the two managers of Kodomap, a general incorporated association that supports sexual minorities who want children or are raising children (Nagamura Satoko and Shigeta Mamiko); and the deputy ward chief. The talk covered the advantages and disadvantages of the Japanese familyship system from the perspective of the parties involved.
Comparisons with other countries, etc. The deputy mayor said bluntly, “I personally think that marriage is not something that the government should have anything to do with.” Of course, I mean that in a good way. Marriage is a personal freedom, right? What a good-natured deputy mayor. And the next day, I went to see a movie called ” Jump, Darling .”
The story is about a young man who turns from an actor to a drag queen and ends up living with his grandmother. The young man is lost in his path in life and the grandmother is free-spirited yet principled. Through their awkward life together, changes begin to occur in the two of them. Where will his and her path in life lead?
Documentary films, real experiences, feature films. The common thread between these completely disparate stories is, of course, the theme of family. But it’s not just that. Marriage and family, the way we live in our own way. I think that was the real theme.
Of course, I support same-sex marriage. It’s a mixture of feelings of righteous indignation that it’s wrong for normal people not to be able to be happy in a normal way, a distant attitude that we shouldn’t interfere in other people’s homes, and a dry, logical argument that since everyone has an equal right to pursue happiness, marriage should be equal too.
And one more thing. People who are brazen enough to interfere in other people’s affairs, and people who want to sacrifice others to keep themselves happy. I also feel frustrated that it’s so difficult to live in a world where such arrogant people run rampant.
What I learned from watching the movie is that it seems like there are people in every country who say things like “changing sexual orientation will change the structure of the family” and “marriage is for pregnancy and childbirth.” Just as expected. And if you try to show evidence to the contrary, they start speaking for fictional weaker people, saying things like “poor children.” Just as expected. Oh, I see. But here are children from families that aren’t bound by SOGIE? And my mother’s boyfriend was a trans man, but nothing pitiful happened when we lived together, right?
Probably. I think those people are people who have never thought about marriage or family and have never made a choice of their own. Marriage and family are at the end of the conveyor belt of life. They just go with the flow of “common sense,” “normal,” and “obvious” that someone decided for someone else’s convenience. It’s a virtual lack of thought that doesn’t question the basics.
So, what is that “basic”? It must be living as you are. It means living while appreciating the individuality of the person you love. If you think about it like that, many of the people who are against same-sex marriage may be people who have never thought about their own individuality or their own individuality. While replacing their individuality with masculinity or femininity. Or while being replaced. In other words, it is a life in which the self disappeared. Those who were fortunate enough not to have to think about themselves. Or those who were a little unfortunate who didn’t have the opportunity to think about themselves.
Thinking about it, I realized that I had never really thought about living life the way I wanted to. I was doing my best just to make a living. In that sense, I may be in the same boat as them.
If there is anything that separates them from me, it is that I know that there is no such thing as “normal” in a family. I also know what breaks a family.
But before I knew it, I had forgotten about it, and I ended up raising my voice at my child. And then I had to go to a mental clinic. I was obsessed with work and housework, and I was lazy about asking myself, “Am I able to love my family as myself?” It was only after I became mentally ill, and after I had hurt my family, that I began to think about what it meant to be myself. I was also one of those people who was easily swept away by something. I was nothing but foolish.
One comment made during a talk session at the film festival left a strong impression on me: “There are all kinds of families, both now and in the past. No two families are the same. If we could accept this as normal, I think more people would find it easier to live.”
This literally means diversity in families. And at the same time, it is the flip side of the fact that not all families are original and normal. A life in which you hold hands with someone special is sure to be healthy and radiant. In that sense too. I sincerely hope that same-sex marriage will become a reality soon. Because I can live with you, I can live as myself. Of course, it would be better if there were as many lives like that as possible. Last year, there were many positive developments, including lawsuits. There are pros and cons depending on the region, but something is definitely and steadily moving forward. I hope that this will continue this year.
Musuta Kusaka's Everyday Journey with Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion in Japan 
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