Musuta Kusaka's Everyday Journey with Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion in Japan

When I listen to this song, my heart takes a fighting stance again. I’m sure everyone has a song like that.

For me, My Runway feat. Rei by the rap group RHYMESTER is one of them. When I listen to this song, I remember January 2023.

That day, I wore high heels for the first time in my life. It all started with a drag queen performance called “DRAG QUEEN x Performance Roudoku Geki QUEEN’s HOUSE.”

At the theater, a shoe brand called ” withth last ” had a booth. There were pumps and high heels lined up. Not only the design but also the sizes were distinctive. Up to 28cm. “Oh, my feet can fit in them .” It’s probably a brand that targets not only women, but also people who want to choose shoes regardless of gender and incorporate them into their outfits. I’ve only ever been looked down upon by people who like fashion, but these shoes made me curious. Where in my heart was that curiosity sleeping? It felt like someone was standing behind me before I knew it.

The sales assistant, who had come all the way from Kobe, was also very nice. “Would you like to try them on?”
he asked, handing me a pair of high heels. “Ah, are you sure?” I asked, and my hand was already reaching for the shoes. I was surprised at how light it was . 

I was probably curious, or perhaps even longing, but it wasn’t just that. It was because the shoes were beautiful. The lines were particularly flowing and elegant. The form was refined, and there was nothing wasteful about them, so they didn’t feel large. They were exactly what I had in mind: “the high heels I’ve always wanted to try.” 

My feet, which were as wide as rice scoops, slipped right in, and the shoes wrapped around me snugly. Cinderella must have felt this sensation. Ah, these shoes are made to fit my feet. One step, two, three. I walked. Light. They stuck to my feet, but there was no pressure on my toes. And for some reason, they didn’t wobble even when a 174cm tall man was on them. Comfortable.

I didn’t want to take them off. I thought about throwing the Red Wing boots I had been wearing into the moat of the Imperial Palace. More than anything, the feeling of my legs stretching out was refreshing. My legs were formal, my legs looked serious. The slight stiffness in my calves made me feel like I was stretching my heart. My legs might be a little prettier than usual. How would I feel if I went out in these? From self -consciousness to a sense of beauty.

I felt a tickle in my slightly pretentious self, but somehow it felt good. An emotion that was in the blind spot of my complex about my short legs. Is this the identity of the thing that was standing on my back earlier? The bright lemon yellow, which I don’t usually choose, also made my heart feel even more cheerful. Is this what they call a thrill? I’m sure they do. 

I remember the price was around 16,000 to 20,000 yen. They were custom-made based on the shape of my foot and each pair was handmade, so it was an unaffected value. I couldn’t stop myself from buying on impulse, but I had only ever worn plain shoes, and my clothes were even plainer than the shoes. Moreover, these high heels were too pearly for me, who weighed over 80kg.

In the first place, there was no way I would have gone anywhere to wear them. But still. That emotion turned the winter night road, still hazy from the New Year’s holidays, into my own runway. I usually walk across the crosswalk with my back hunched, but that night, I walked with my back straight and dignified. I see. So this is what it means to wear your favorite shoes. That was the first night I learned that.

As I write this, it’s July and it’s dangerously hot.

A lot of things have happened in the past six months, and a lot of news has been flying around.
The LGBT Awareness Promotion Act. Same-sex marriage lawsuits. The Ministry of Economy, Trade and Industry restricting the use of women’s restrooms. Celebrities committing suicide, and so on.
And those high heels come to mind.

Some people muster up the courage to wear their favorite shoes. Some people make a big decision. Some people may keep them in the closet. Some
people are attacked when they wear them and walk down the street. They are mocked, insulted, rejected, put down, chased away, cornered, beaten, thrown, ignored, and ignored. They even threaten their own lives. Or they even threaten their own lives.

Perhaps the excitement I felt that winter was something I could only feel as a person without such fear. The privilege of those in a safe zone. The privileged are always carefree, unaware, and unaware of the sacrifices they make. People can be cruel to those who don’t notice. Perhaps I have lived my life stepping on someone’s feet. First of all, I need to remove my feet.

Besides. The target of the attack is always looking for the next target. I, too, could be a target. I too live in a guerrilla war zone society. So I hope that the future where people who want to wear high heels can do so and walk down the street with their hands down the stairs will come even a second sooner. I don’t want to live in a society where I can’t even wear the shoes I want to wear.

There is an idiom that goes, “Try on someone else’s shoes.” I feel that the high heels I tried on taught me very important things: excitement, sadness, and self-reflection.